Warning! Are You or Your Partner Playing ‘Tit For Tat’ In Your Relationship? - Teresha Young - The Confidence Restyler™
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Warning! Are You or Your Partner Playing ‘Tit For Tat’ In Your Relationship?

Warning! Are You or Your Partner Playing ‘Tit For Tat’ In Your Relationship?

Would you agree that a healthy relationship is a partnership?

A relationship where partners cooperate, they support one another and they confidently rely on one another?

A safe environment where they do not compete…

Aha – yes that word: Competition!

There’s a lot to be said about a healthy dose of competition in a relationship in order to keep it from becoming stale and boring. The type of competition which is fun, where there is healthy banter, playfulness, no conflict and it feels harmless.

But that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the real, ugly competition between partners which is constant and can quickly turn a relationship into one where you are focused on one-upping or outdoing each other and where you feel the need to “prove yourself” in order to boost your confidence, self-esteem, identity and your self-worth.

And this type of competition is a dangerous thing, which can cause added stress, jealousy and conflict.

Couples may compete on many levels. One form of competitiveness is “Tit For Tat”. Also known as “scorekeeping”. Have you ever said or felt yourself wanting to say:

“I’ll do for you, if you’ll do for me”
or
“You owe me”
or
“If it wasn’t for me, you/we wouldn’t xxx”

Well this type of ‘tit for tat’ attitude is in danger of turning what should be a jointly cooperative and supportive relationship into a struggle for power, control and the upper hand.

To keep the upper hand, you put your partner down to inflate your ego, prove them wrong and constantly try to elevate all that you do and lower those of your partner.

However, true intimacy and caring is not a game. It is not about winning or losing! Your partner is not your enemy. How can you possibly be a winner if it is at the expense of making the person you supposedly love a loser?

Every time you tally up your contributions, you are not focusing on what you can give.

Are you are a giver or a taker?

 

If you’re a taker, you’re likely to be keeping score to justify the taking.

I’ve sometimes heard women say “I’m giving up spending my Saturday night with my man, so he can go out with his friends. But he owes me big time!”

Or I bet you’ve heard this at some point “I bought my wife flowers. Building up brownie points so I’m in her good books and can remind her of this when I need something.”

Ouchie… These are not the acts of true unconditional giving. These are “take, take, take” statements, where quite clearly each person is trying to get the upper hand in order to control their partner. If you are doing this, you are pulling your relationship further apart.

And if your partner can read between the lines and figures out that you are keeping score, it’s likely they will become dubious about accepting a “gift” or act of kindness from you for fear of the trade-off at some point and the strings attached.

When couples fall into the habit of tit for tat, it never occurs to either person that if they’re in a good, loving relationship where both are genuinely caring and giving without conditions or expectations, the offerings and actions will balance out and their partner would probably volunteer more than could ever be demanded of them.

So what’s the one easy remedy for the habit of tit for tat?

Be a giver! Give for the pleasure of giving. Give because it makes your relationship run more easily and smoothly. Give because you see that a task needs doing and you know you’re capable of doing it without conditions and expectations. Give because you truly support and care about your partner.

Remember… you and your partner are a team.

TEAM = TOGETHER. EVERYONE. ACHIEVES. MORE

As you begin to feel more secure with yourself and within your relationship, the urge to compete will decrease. When you learn to give, you’ll naturally stop keeping score and you’ll realise the benefits of a truly loving relationship.

The nature of competitiveness, however, assures that there is a negativity that can zap the true intimacy and cooperation that should exist in a solid relationship. Don’t allow this to infiltrate your relationship! Start giving unconditionally today!

If you are unsure if this kind of ‘tit for tat’ attitude has started to take over your relationship, simply click the button below and get the FREE ‘7 Tell-tale Warning Signs That ‘Tit For Tat’ is Dominating Your Relationship’.

I truly hope you found this to be helpful and valuable. If so, please click ‘like’ and if you feel moved, I would love for you to share your thoughts in the comments box below.

Also, a huge thanks if you do decide to share this post with others.

If this is an area you’d like more guidance and support with, I’d love to work with you privately to help you unravel any tit for tat concerns you have about your relationship. We can also look at ways in which you can confidently develop a healthy dose of competition within your relationship to keep it exciting and alive. Simply CLICK HERE.

With Love & Support Always
Teresha, The Confidence Restyler™ Xx

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