01 Mar Is Stubbornness Affecting Your Relationships?
Stubbornness & stubborn people…
It’s not easy to live with them right?
Dealing with a stubborn person can be exhausting, frustrating, stressful and drive you mad!
It could be a work colleague, a family member, a friend, your significant other.
And it seems like the only opinion they hear is their own. They don’t listen to you and they have to always be right!
You may even feel like you’re walking on eggshells and whatever you say is never the right thing to say.
You may feel small and insignificant in their presence and that you aren’t able to speak your mind with confidence.
Well say bye-bye to those feelings! Once you learn how to work with a stubborn person, rather than butting heads with them and how to control your responses, you’ll be amazed at how dealing with a stubborn person can actually make you the best version of yourself!
There is a fine line between stubbornness and persistence.
Strong-willed people aren’t always easy to deal with. That being said, determination and persistence are key characteristics required for success in life.
However, stubbornness can seriously affect our relationships.
It’s essential to understand what might cause stubbornness within you or another person. One of my Making Moves Motivation videos can give you insight into why. Here’s the link: ‘6 REASONS YOU’RE LOSING YOUR COOL’
If you’re a stubborn person, ask yourself, how often has proving you’re right improved the situation?
Being “right” places you in a position of imagining you’re morally superior. This results in emotions getting provoked and people get defensive and even confrontational.
We then we get stuck in conflict and challenges that for some reason or another become difficult to resolve and leads to disagreements.
So here are 3 TOP TIPS TO DEAL WITH STUBBORN PEOPLE:
1. Take A Step Back
I like to say “if in doubt, zoom out!”
Take a moment to breathe when you’re dealing with a stubborn person.
This may even involve you respectfully excusing yourself from the conversation if it’s a verbal discussion or not responding straight away if it’s written communication. You can then gather your thoughts and move to a better feeling state of mind.
Why? Because breathing can take you out of negative and reactive thought patterns. It can help release any low energy feelings you may be having such as anger, frustration, stress, upset, whilst calming you in the present moment.
A calming breathing technique for stress, anxiety and panic, as suggested by the NHS, which is the National Health Service in the UK can be found here: ‘NHS Breathing Exercise for Stress, Anxiety & Panic’
2. Understand Impact Of Stubbornness
Dealing with stubbornness can be looked at from these three different perspectives:
1st Perspective: “I win, you lose”
If you’re a stubborn person, you focus on your needs, not the other person’s.
You stand up for your rights and strongly defend your position, giving little consideration to the other person’s position or point of view.
When you approach a disagreement from the place of someone is right, therefore someone is wrong, it’s pretty much certain that you’ll get more stuck in the conflict.
2nd Perspective: “I lose, you lose”
If you’re being stubborn you ignore the issue or ignore the other person, withdraw and in doing so, fail to deal with it.
You may even try to solve the conflict by denying its existence. You and the other person both lose because it hasn’t been dealt with.
3rd Perspective: “I lose, you win”
You concede to the stubborn person’s demands, requests or opinions, then giving little or nothing in return.
In some cases, you may let them have their way completely. Conceding maintains harmony but is self-sacrificing.
3. Take Charge
If this person’s behaviour is persistent and bothers you and it’s not a matter of you simply being able to avoid them, find ways to take control and move to a “win win” situation.
Do your best to see their point of view. Then respectfully show them that their opinion is important, then gently ask them to respect your opinion.
To get this talk started off on the right foot, this Making Moves Motivation video will help you: ‘How to HAVE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS’
Stubbornness can be resolved when differences are recognised, as you’ll then be focused on a consensus solution.
Sometimes, it can involve an element of compromise where you each give up something in order to meet halfway in a mutually acceptable position; it’s workable but not always ideal.
A better approach is co-operation, because when you co-operate, you have a greater insight to issues and a more creative approach to coming to a resolution.
Here you will need to use your communication skills of deep listening, questioning and showing empathy to build a stronger relationship and connection with the other person, where you both win.
When it comes to stubborn people, there are likely to be times where you don’t achieve closure on the issue.
On occasions you may have to respectfully agree to disagree and do this without the disagreement getting personal or fuelled with insults or counterattacks.
The important position to take in this type of situation is to achieve “emotional closure.”
You can do this by giving yourself permission to disagree without having to declare that either you or the other person is right or wrong.
No matter how right you believe you are or the other person believes they are, it’s important to remain determined to give each other a way out of the disagreement with your dignity and self-esteem intact.
If you would like tips and strategies on how you can achieve your relationship goals, simply click the ‘Download Now’ button below to get access to my FREE eBooks.
I hope you found this article beneficial. I would love to hear your thoughts on it! How has stubbornness affected your relationships? Have you noticed any stubborn traits in you? Simply click ‘like’ and please do let me know in the comments box below.
Also, why not consider sharing this article with those you know who could benefit from reading this too? After all #SharingIsCaring
Are you finding it difficult to deal with a stubborn person? Would you like personal assistance to make that relationship easier? If so, I’d be more than happy to help you! All you have to do is CLICK HERE and we can chat more about this!
Teresha, The Confidence Restyler™ Xx