01 May Are You Being Manipulated?
How To Know If You’re Being Manipulated…
Have you ever been in a situation where it feels like someone is all up in your head?
Do they twist your thoughts or words?
Maybe tug on your heart strings or just seem to get what they want?
Perhaps they change your goals and desires into something that fits their needs and interests?
Or they try to shape you into someone that suits them?
If so, it’s possible you’re dealing with a manipulative person.
And quite often you don’t even know it’s happening. Especially if you grew up being manipulated, it can be hard to spot what’s going on, because you’re used to it.
Manipulative people can be found in our relationships of all kinds. They deliberately use underhanded methods to get their needs met. Also creating an imbalance of power by influencing or exploiting someone with indirect, controlling, coercive, deceptive, or sometimes abusive behaviour.
Although their behaviour might appear as kind, friendly or even flattering or charming, as if they’re really looking out for you… You might have a feeling of being uncomfortable, uneasiness, frustration or irritation by their behaviour.
And in reality it’s sneaky behaviour to achieve a hidden motive.
So here are 3 KEY SIGNS YOU’RE BEING MANIPULATED:
1. You Feel Guilt or Shame
One of the favourite tactics of manipulators is guilt and shame.
If they can convince you to feel guilty for your actions, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, then they know you’ll be more willing to do what they say.
They may say things such as “After all I’ve done for you.”
You might observe needy, vulnerable or helpless behaviour, such as “I can’t live without you” or “if you ever leave, I just couldn’t cope.”
They may compare you negatively to someone else or make it seem like they have people supporting their cause, saying “even so and so thinks xyz” or “so and so does this so much better.”
Another guilt example is turning a situation round on you, like: “Sure, your family can visit. I would rather they came another time, but as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters, even if that means putting aside what I want.”
Can you that see that at first they make it seem like they’re a caring person, but then tug on your emotions to make you feel bad?
Or there may be criticisms or accusations that “You only think of yourself,” “You’re so selfish,” “You don’t care about me” or that “It’s easy for you.”
Or you often hear:
“If you really love me, you’d xyz,” or “if you really care about me or the family, you’d xyz,” or “if this is important to you, you’d xyz.”
All of these examples use guilt and emotion to push or shame you into doing something and is a form of manipulation.
2. You Doubt Yourself
You’ve got to the point where you feel like you’re not in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Perhaps this is because they know how to identify your “weaknesses” and insecurities and use this against you.
Or they micro-manage you, constantly telling you what to do and how to do it.
Maybe checking up on you, questioning what you do or persuading you that with their help, you can do better.
Maybe they consistently point out what you’re doing “wrong” and how they could have done it better. You may find that they just take over completely.
As such you turn to them for guidance or reassurance on everything.
Once that happens, manipulators can ultimately make you do whatever they want you to. Because you’re at a place where you now trust them more than you trust yourself.
A place where you question yourself and the things that you do, because they have found ways to knock your confidence and lower your self-esteem.
Watch my Making Moves Motivation video on ‘3 SIMPLE WAYS TO OVERCOME LOW SELF-ESTEEM’, as this can help you to address this and start trusting yourself: CLICK HERE TO WATCH
3. You Have Poor Boundaries
We all have needs and it’s important to allow ourselves to feel that this is natural and okay.
What’s not healthy is when you completely set aside what you want and need in an effort to please someone else, particularly if you don’t think you have a choice.
If you realise someone else’s needs are being met far more often than yours are or they make you believe that you want what they want, you might be dealing with a manipulator.
This is why setting healthy boundaries is key!
You need to be clear with the other person on who you are and what you want. You need to assert your beliefs and values and your limits.
Knowing how to say "No" is a key way to set boundaries
When effectively expressed, “No” allows you to step up and stand your ground whilst keeping a workable relationship.
Remember, if you say “Yes” when you mean “No” then you are denying your own needs, which leaves you powerless in the situation.
Check out my Making Moves Motivation video here on: ‘How to SAY NO WITH CONFIDENCE’
Your boundaries are important and deserve to be acknowledged and respected.
There are many other signs of manipulation, but these three are key common ones to be aware of.
Not everyone who acts in the ways I’ve mentioned may be deliberately trying to manipulate you.
Some people merely have undesirable habits and behaviours.
Regardless, it’s important to identify behaviours in situations where your emotional, mental and physical well-being are at risk, so you’re able to do something about it.
Is it time to talk to the person you feel manipulated by to tell them how you feel?
If so, my Making Moves Motivation video on ‘How to HAVE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS’, will assist you with this: CLICK HERE TO WATCH
If you would like tips and strategies on how you can achieve your relationship goals, simply click the ‘Download Now’ button below to get access to my FREE eBooks.
I hope you found this article valuable. I would love to hear your thoughts on it! Have you spotted any of these signs of manipulation in your past or current relationships of any kind? How has manipulation affected you?
Simply click ‘like’ and please do let me know in the comments box below.
Also, why not consider sharing this article with those you know who could benefit from reading this too? After all #SharingIsCaring
Is manipulation affecting your love, life and relationships? Would you like personal assistance to deal with this? If so, I’d be more than happy to help you! All you have to do is CLICK HERE and we can chat more about this!
Teresha, The Confidence Restyler™ Xx