01 Jan Why Your Partner Does The Crazy Things They Do (How To Finally Stop Scratching Your Head!)
I think it’s fair to say that there can be a lot of madness when it comes to the world of relationships.
There are probably times when your partner does things that make you go “Huh?” or “Hmm… I’m so confused” or “I just don’t get you anymore.”
This bewilderment can often lead to a disconnection within the relationship, with someone forcibly trying to change the other person. However #RealityCheck… that just doesn’t work. If it does, it’s often short lived and all of the stress, upset and pain of the widening disconnection can result in heartache and the relationship ending. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Sometimes through challenging times in our relationships, we can miss the opportunity to turn the “heart-break into heart-make” through displays of love, understanding, compassion and kindness (L.U.C.K™). I touched upon this in my ‘Relationship Myth: Can Love Alone Really Conquer All?’ article posted on 1st July 2017.
Not to mention, we can also completely skip (unintentionally or even intentionally) practising forgiveness, especially if our partner “did us wrong” and we were deeply hurt by the experience. Though let’s get this straight, forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re condoning your partner’s actions. It means surrendering yourself to your feelings and freeing YOURSELF. It means you choosing to no longer carry the pain of the situation. It means you choosing peace and allowing yourself to be released, to be free and to move on mentally, emotionally and sometimes even physically.
Now I can understand that displaying L.U.C.K™ and forgiveness may not be an easy feat. Emotions can be highly charged during difficult times.
The key to relationship magic is understanding that although your partner may baffle you at times, they are not their behaviour.
I know, I know… you may be reading that last statement thinking “Say that again Teresha?” or “How can you say that? Are you totally oblivious to all of the relationship breakdowns happening in the world because of people’s actions?”
Okay, please hear me out…
There is an important distinction between your partner and your partner’s actions and behaviour and their positive worth as a fellow human is kept constant. It is the appropriateness of their action and behaviour that is brought into question, not the person per se.
All behaviour, even the most awful or gawd damn crazy has a positive intention for your partner. Your partner is doing the best they can, with what they’ve got, from where they are. Their “inner” world, their blueprint is what’s making them make the decisions that they do and behave in way they do… just as your “inner” world influences your behaviour.
When I came to this understanding, it was a whole new perspective for me to adopt and it may be the same for you. You may think there’s just no excusing your partner’s behaviour and there is no way you can show them L.U.C.K™ when they act the way they do, but having this perspective will help you understand why they do the things they do. If you think of behaviour as something separate from your partner, you will understand that it can be changed, only if they have the desire to change.
If you are struggling with this concept, one way to help you do this is to “fake it to make it” and act “as if” there is always a positive intention behind your partner’s actions and behaviour.
So, if you’ve not spoken to your partner about the way you are feeling and how you perceive their behaviour, then I encourage you to have a straight-out, open and honest conversation with them.
Here’s an approach you can take to voice your concerns:
You must start your conversation right. You do not want your partner to become defensive, argumentative or not ready to listen to you. For example, saying “I want a word with you!” is undoubtedly not the best way to start. Start with a friendlier greeting first or with something positive about them.
Be factual and non-accusing. “I have noticed” or “I am concerned” work well.
Or “We agreed that you would xxx and I am disappointed that you have not done xxx”
This allows your partner time to respond and for them to keep their self-esteem. They may offer their own solution or explain their behaviour. The confrontation could therefore end here.
You now need to be specific with what you want to happen or for them to do.
End on a positive note if you can.
Remember, your partner cannot read your mind and is likely to be inept at picking up on subtle (and not so subtle) hints. You really do have to tell them how you feel about their behaviour. You will save yourself a great deal of heartache, disappointment and confused looks from your partner by communicating openly and honestly.
If you would like some more tips and strategies on how to keep the love growing and flowing in your relationship, simply click the ‘Download Now’ button below to get access to my FREE eBooks.
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I’d love you to share your thoughts in the comments box below. Also let me know:
- Have there been times when you have behaved in a way that upon reflection you think “I could have handled that much better” or “Maybe I came across a little crazy”?
- What was the effect of that behaviour on you and your partner?
- Do you feel those actions at that time took away your worth as a person?
If you are struggling to connect with your partner right now, I’d love to show you how you can bring more L.U.C.K™ into your relationship! All you have to do is CLICK HERE.
Teresha, The Confidence Restyler™ Xx